I’ve lived in California for 3 years now and my parents had finally decided to come visit. I was anxious to impress and show them around but also excited as I haven’t seen them in person in a long time.
Even though they describe their trip as “visiting Linda in LA” it’s more like, “We want to go see Little Saigon so we’re staying in Orange County and you need to come stay the weekend there.” Fine. After work on a Friday they scoop me up in their rental. They say they want to ride altogether so we can catch up. I think it’s so they can prevent any exit strategy. If I don’t have a vehicle, my ass is stuck. My mom, dad, aunt and I are staying in one hotel room. Lovely.
So, I believe if my mom were my age and currently dating she would be the bat shit crazy girlfriend that urban legends are made of. She has also taught me to answer a question with a question to get the last word, mainly by annoying the other person so much that they would rather just keep their mouth shut. But you still can’t outsmart a tiger mom in a battle of “Who gets the last word.”
Exhibit A:
The first morning I got to hang out with my parents, I’m asleep in the second bed in their hotel room. I had just opened my eyes and before I could even blink 3 times, this conversation occurs:
Mom: you have a 6 digit passcode?
Me: …yeah 😒
mom: what is it?
Me: why?
Mom: why are you keeping secrets from your mom?
(Proceeds to still try to break into my phone when I go to the bathroom)
She states the reason why she wanted to see my phone is to make sure the picture she took of me sleeping and sent to me, actually went through. She has an iPhone. She sees the “delivered” notation. I know that she knows what that means because I’ve gotten yelled at for not answering text messages quickly enough and she knew I received it because of the “delivered” notation. Not only that but SHE TOOK PICTURES OF ME SLEEPING.
As a result, I have used my thumb print to unlock my phone all weekend.
Exhibit B:
My mom refuses to create her own Facebook profile and just uses my dad’s profile to stalk people. I ask why she won’t just make her own and my dad jokingly states that my mom is worried he would have a girlfriend on the side so she likes having access to his Facebook. My mom takes the joke to crazy level 10.
Mom: the only way your dad is allowed to leave me is if he’s paralyzed. So he would be useless to anyone else.
Dad: I told my co-workers that she said this and they said mom is crazy.
Mom: *laughs loudly*
She laughs. No. CACKLES. Loudly. Also, my dad’s reply tells me that my mom has said this multiple times.
Exhibit C:
My mom has been shopping like crazy and my poor dad has been forced to trail after her, my aunt and me. On top of that he’s holding my mom’s satchel.
Me: mom, don’t make daddy carry your purse.
Mom: I own him. I use (him) how I want.
I am not imaginative (or crazy enough) to make this shit up. I am telling y’all. My mother is crazy.
Life By Linh 